The Church & Sex

The Church has spread a lot of misconceptions about sex for the most part. We have heard of sexual scandals from the largest Christian denominations in the world. Charismatics worldwide have had their prominent leaders involved in sexual scandals. The Church has not been spared when it comes to the ugly side of sex. Despite these things, sex is almost a silent topic in the Church; it is one of the most avoided subjects to be discussed by the clergy. The few who are brave enough to talk about it only paint a dark and gloomy picture of sex, portraying it almost as something demonic.

The Beginning…

It must be understood that there is a HUGE difference between SEX and SEXUAL SIN. Much of the discussion about sex in the Church, unfortunately, revolves around the latter. Why is this? I am meant to believe that the sinful (sin-filled) nature of humans has always projected this type of image to society at large. This image can only be changed when the truth from God’s word is shared about this subject.

Some of the misconceptions created about sex from the Church’s perspective are: 

– It is SHAMEFUL to talk about sex. 

– It is EMBARRASSING to talk about sex. 

– It is UNHOLY to talk about sex. 

– It is CARNAL/UNSPIRITUAL to talk about sex.

What this has created, then, is that most people (unfortunately even those entering into the institution of marriage) have gone outside the Church to seek knowledge about sex. Wrong information about sex has created false expectations for those getting into marriage, and if they don’t find the Hollywood fantasy they were shown on television, they end up in the frustration corner. I have interacted with people who have been married for years and are dead scared to even mention the word “sex.” Misconceptions about a subject matter produce more problems about that subject in any given society.

Debunking the Misconceptions About SEX

1. God created sex.

God is good, and God is holy. He is the author of sex. God did not make anything evil, nor can anything evil come from Him.

2. Sex is GOOD. 

Since a good God created sex, it is therefore a good thing. When God created everything in the beginning, He called it good, sex included. Because man was created with all good desires in-built in him, he was created not only as a social being but a sexual being as well. And God called His creation very good.

3. Sex is a legitimate need. 

Sex is like hunger and thirst; it is a need that must be met legitimately. When a person feels hungry and their stomach begins to rumble, it doesn’t mean they must take hold of anything within their reach and eat – especially food that doesn’t belong to them. Such actions may put them in jeopardy of poisoning or jail. The same goes for the need for sex; it can only be satisfied legitimately within the confines of marriage.

4. Sex was meant for marriage and for the married ONLY.

The only legitimate platform for the need for sex to be satisfied is within the boundaries of marriage. The Bible says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the marriage bed is undefiled.” — Hebrews 13:5

Sex outside marriage is one of the sources of misconceptions about sex. The inevitable outcomes of practicing sex outside marriage are SHAME, CONDEMNATION, GUILT, FEAR, and LONELINESS. These breed broken hearts, lack of trust, and unfaithfulness. It is a dangerous thing to indulge in sexual activity before marriage and/or outside marriage. Imagine wanting to get married because you feel lonely. These are marriages that break with the slightest tremor because they were never founded on the foundation of God’s truth.

Sadly, sex outside marriage could lead to children. Hear me well: I am not condemning people who have children out of wedlock; children are a blessing all the same, and God’s grace helps people heal and raise Godly children. Yet God’s design was for children to be born in a family unit, raised by a father and a mother. God knows why. Statistically, children raised in a home with both parents seem to have fewer issues than those raised in a home without both parents.

Sex is, therefore, a BLESSING which the enemy has turned into a curse in many people’s lives by allowing them to have it outside its design. Sex is a subject close to God’s heart, and He wants people to know that and experience it in the right way. Ignorance about sex has caused many, including the married, not to experience this blessing in its fullness.

The Dangers of Silence on Sex

The dangers of silence on sex are without number. Let me give a scenario: A young boy of 13 has just reached puberty. His body begins to change; his voice deepens, his shoulders broaden, his muscles toughen, and he experiences unusual strength in the muscle between his legs. If he continues on this path without being guided to understand that what he is experiencing in his body is actually a blessing from God, and that he should not be ashamed of his body, he may start having sex with himself (masturbation) in alleged “self-discovery.” This would, in turn, produce SHAME instead of CONFIDENCE, and he will constantly be on a path of seeking approval from others. Sexual awareness is vital to a person’s healthy self-image.

People who have kept the subject of sex in silence have opened doors to engaging in sex illegitimately. This produces a lot of broken lives, some of which never have a chance to find healing, leaving a trail of brokenness, including in the lives of their own children. Churches that have kept the subject of sex at bay are never short of sexual scandals. Sex is one of the chief weapons in the devil’s armory; it is used in everything we see and hear. Simply put, sex sells. The American adult entertainment industry was making $2 billion USD annually in 2005 (as reported on TBN that year). That is almost 20 years ago, when our part of the world was not even littered with smartphones. Sex sells. It is, therefore, an anomaly for the Church to hide its head in the sand in the face of such statistics. Pornography among our youth and adults is equally a rampant problem that must not be treated with kid gloves. It is a fight that must be won, but we can only win if we are intentional about breaking the unusual silence. Young people are engrossed in casual sex because it is trendy—a growing societal norm of showing affection. Television advertises it and cultures them to think it is right to “smash.” Social media influencers teach them that it is okay to hop from one partner to another as long as you avoid pregnancy and disease. The LGBTQI agenda is part of the biggest sexuality problem the Church has to face. If we do not arise and teach God’s design on sex and sexuality, future generations will not know that MALE means boy/man or FEMALE means girl/woman. They are being taught now that gender is a subject of choice. Church, let’s arise!

Safe Sex

Safe sex should start with the Church because that’s where the author of sex resides. Safe sex begins with the truth about sex being propagated. The Church must be a haven of healthy sexual awareness. The Church needs to be a light in all aspects of life, giving hope to a dying and hopeless world. The Church must be a safe place for people hurt sexually to heal. The Church must not be a source of molesters and child abusers, as we have seen in the recent past. It must be a place of raising healthy people who give healing and hope to a hurting world. The Church must not be a place to hurt people; it is a place for loving one another, reflecting the very character of God. Hurting people in any form is not God-like.

God’s building block for society is the family. Strong families build strong Churches, and strong Churches build strong societies. Strong societies build healthy nations. This health can begin with teaching sound moral values, and good knowledge of sex and sexuality is one of them.

The End…

A society that lacks truth thrives on lies. People can only be held accountable for the truth they know and share. The rampant sexual scandals in the Church today are normally a result of the lack of truth on this subject matter. A clergy who teaches the truth from the Word of God about sex will defend what he teaches. If he is not sincere enough, at least he will be scared of being held accountable by his flock. Sex happens in the shadows when the spotlight of truth has not been shone on it. The silence on sex only encourages sin and empowers abuse in certain quarters to continue. Sometimes, ignorance is a tool that is used effectively to control others. My only hope is that the silence on the matter is not a deliberate ploy to keep more people ignorant and bound. Our hope is it’s just ignorance of truth, which is cured once light shines on it.

Empowering people with the truth not only arms them to refuse abuse and hurt, but also empowers them to live solid, Godly lives.

By Raphael Nkhata